October 4th, 2024
In our society, there is a stigma around showing emotion. How many of us grew up hearing phrases like, “Don’t cry,” “Get over it,” or “There’s nothing to be sad about”? These responses from our caregivers send a clear message: emotions are wrong, or that we aren't in control of our own feelings. It implies that someone else knows how we should feel and tells us that expressing our emotions is not okay.
We often lack the right vocabulary to express our emotions. As Bob Stahl and Elisha Goldstein explain in A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook, while we learned that “a flower is a flower” because someone pointed it out to us as a child, no one ever explained what emotions like fear, shame, apprehension, or guilt feel like. This makes it difficult for us to understand or connect with these emotions.
Our culture often values a "stiff upper lip," where showing emotion—especially sadness—is seen as a sign of weakness. Societal norms frequently discourage us from expressing how we truly feel. Keep reading to learn more about the stigma surrounding emotions in our society and how you can overcome it.
Many people are afraid of expressing their emotions, they worry that once they let their feelings out, it will overwhelm them and never go away. However, Dr. Jill Bolte, a brain scientist, discovered that it only takes 90 seconds for an emotion to get triggered, and chemically processed through the body. Any emotional response that lingers beyond that is often due to our thought patterns rather than the emotion itself.
It's important to remember that emotions are a natural part of the human experience. Suppressing or avoiding them can lead to a range of mental health issues, including anxiety, depression, and stress. By learning to acknowledge, understand, and express our emotions in healthy ways, we can improve our overall well-being and build a stronger relationship with ourselves and with others.
While we may not feel comfortable or “safe” expressing our emotions, stifling or suppressing our feelings can have a serious impact on our mental health and may manifest itself in negative behaviors, including finding ways to numb any emotion – drugs, alcohol, food and sex, as well as through physical ailments and pain.
Studies have shown that emotions and physical sensations are interconnected. Here are some of the most significant effects of bottling up emotions:
When emotions are suppressed, the body remains in a state of tension. Suppression triggers the body’s stress response, leading to the release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. Over time, this heightened state of stress can contribute to chronic anxiety, making it harder to relax and increasing feelings of being overwhelmed.
Emotional suppression is linked to various physical health issues, including high blood pressure, cardiovascular disease, and gastrointestinal problems. Unprocessed emotions can manifest as physical symptoms, such as headaches, muscle tension, stomachaches, and fatigue. The body holds onto emotional tension, which can weaken the immune system and increase susceptibility to illness.
Suppressed emotions don't just go away; they build up over time. This accumulation can eventually lead to unexpected emotional outbursts, such as anger, frustration, or crying, which may seem disproportionate to the situation. These outbursts can negatively impact relationships and your ability to handle stressful situations, creating a cycle of suppression and eruption.
Emotions are a fundamental part of human connection. Suppressing them can make it challenging to communicate openly and honestly with others. When emotions are bottled up, it becomes harder for others to understand and connect with you, which can strain relationships. This sense of isolation can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and further reinforce the bad habit of not expressing emotions.
Consistently suppressing emotions can lead to a sense of emotional numbness, where it becomes difficult to experience joy or positive feelings. This emotional numbness can contribute to feelings of emptiness and sadness, which, over time, may develop into depression. Research indicates a strong link between those who suppress their emotions and an increased risk of depressive symptoms.
The more you suppress your emotions, the less skilled you become at recognizing and regulating them. This lack of emotional awareness and emotional intelligence can make it harder to cope with future emotional challenges. Healthy emotional regulation involves understanding and processing emotions, but when you suppress them, you miss opportunities to learn from and adapt to your emotional experiences.
Suppressing emotions often stems from a belief that expressing them is a sign of weakness or inadequacy. Over time, this mindset can lead to negative self-perception and self-criticism.
Feeling ashamed of your emotions can lower self-esteem and contribute to an ongoing cycle of keeping your feelings to yourself, reinforcing the belief that your feelings are not valid or worthy of expression.
Having to suppress your feelings and emotions consumes mental energy, leaving less capacity for concentration, problem-solving, and creative thinking. Studies have shown that people who suppress their emotions often experience memory issues and have a harder time focusing on tasks, as their mind is preoccupied with managing unprocessed feelings.
When emotions are suppressed and left unaddressed, many people may turn to unhealthy behaviors as a way to cope and numb their feelings. While these behaviors can provide temporary relief, they often lead to additional physical, emotional, and social consequences. Here’s how certain habits like excessive sex, substance abuse, alcohol consumption, and overeating can be misused to numb emotions.
Learning to express emotions openly, practicing self-compassion, and exploring healthy outlets, like exercise, creative activities, or mindfulness practices, can help replace these destructive habits with more constructive ways to cope.
Suppressing emotions is a common coping mechanism that can lead to various mental health concerns, such as anxiety and depression. Recognizing and addressing the underlying reasons for suppressing emotions is the first step in breaking this habit. Below are some strategies to help you become more in touch with your emotions and express them in healthier ways:
Start by observing the situations, people, or environments that tend to evoke strong emotional reactions. It could be a stressful work situation, conflict in relationships, or reminders of past experiences.
Keeping a journal of these triggers can help you identify patterns and anticipate emotional responses. Understanding these triggers gives you more control and prepares you to deal with your emotions effectively.
Mindfulness involves paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations in the present moment, without judgment.
It allows you to recognize emotions as they arise, rather than pushing them away. Engage in daily mindfulness practices, such as deep breathing, meditation, or body scans. These techniques enhance your awareness of emotions, making it easier to acknowledge them.
Research has shown that regular mindfulness practice can lead to improved emotional regulation and a greater understanding of one’s emotional landscape.
When emotions surface, take a moment to notice where you feel them in your body (e.g., tightness in the chest or tension in the shoulders). This practice helps you connect with your feelings and process them in a more constructive way.
Emotional suppression often stems from negative beliefs, such as "It's weak to show emotions" or "No one wants to hear about my problems." Identifying these thoughts is key to changing your response to emotions.
Ask yourself, "Is this thought true?" or "What evidence do I have for this belief?" Challenging these patterns can help reduce the fear of expressing emotions and encourage a more open, healthy approach.
Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can help you process your emotions and gain valuable perspective. Therapists are specially trained to help you overcome your problems while equipping you with the tools you need to continue growing in the future. They provide a safe space where you can share your thoughts and emotions without being judged.
In general, opening up to others creates a supportive environment for emotional expression, reducing the burden of keeping feelings inside. Consider group therapy or support groups, where sharing experiences with others who face similar challenges can foster connection and decrease feelings of isolation.
Be kind and gentle with yourself as you work through your emotions. Acknowledge that it's natural to feel a range of emotions, and that learning new coping mechanisms takes time.
Remind yourself that emotions, whether positive or negative, are part of the human experience. Instead of criticizing yourself for feeling a certain way, offer yourself the same kindness and understanding that you would extend to a friend.
Start by sharing small aspects of your feelings with people you trust. Gradually increasing your openness can help build confidence in expressing emotions without fear of judgment.
Remember, it's okay to feel emotions. By acknowledging and addressing your feelings, you can break free from the cycle of emotional suppression and experience greater emotional well-being.
The body scan, often used in Mindfulness, is a great way to begin learning emotional connection. For example, as you go through the body scan, you may notice a “pit” in your stomach.
As you begin to cultivate your Mindfulness practice, you may begin to realize that the pit in your stomach is connected to an emotion – a fear of failure at work, a rejection of a partner, or grief related to a family member’s illness.
By regularly practicing the body scan, we are better able to tap into the “here and now” and be present with what we are feeling at that moment, instead of letting those emotions run wild and contribute to irrational thinking.
The body scan also allows us to “sit” with those emotions –pleasant and unpleasant, giving us time to process and acknowledge those feelings instead of pushing them away, which can be detrimental to our overall well-being.
You can find several free meditation apps for smartphones, that include beginning body scan meditations, as well as online resources for downloading meditations to help with dealing with difficult emotions.
While emotions can be difficult to discuss and express, you will find that processing your feelings in a healthy way can have a lasting impact on your mental and physical health.
If you want professional help to learn how to take control of your emotions in a healthy way, heading to a mental health therapist near you is a great option. Clarity Clinic offers the best talk therapy, couples therapy, group therapy, online therapy, family therapy, mindfulness therapy, and more to support your needs.
If you are located in Chicago, head to one of our mental health clinics located in the Loop, River North, Lakeview Belmont, or Lakeview Broadway to find therapy near you. If you are located in a suburb near Chicago such as Oakbrook, Northbrook, Schaumburg, Winnetka, or Naperville, IL, head to our Evanston or Arlington Heights clinic to find psychotherapy near you.
Have a busy schedule and can’t make it into our clinic? No worries! That’s why Clarity offers online therapy that takes insurance, to make sure we provide accessible mental health care to everyone who needs it. Book a consultation with a leading therapist in Chicago and take control of your emotions and mental health today!
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