Relationships

Get On With It ~ Getting Over Someone

Woman crying after breakup

Why You Should Cut Your Ex Out Of Your Life & Start Getting Over Someone

We move through life building relationships, hoping that they will be successful and lead us down a path of unconditional love, making a family life, and growing old with our partner. However, that does not always happen. In fact, most people date and have numerous relationships prior to meeting “the one”. It takes time, patience, perseverance, and hope to find your ultimate partner. Before that can happen, we must experience the hardships, the breakups, and the recovery in order to make the mental and physical space for a new potential partner. However, some breakups are more difficult than others, and getting over someone you care about can be challenging.

Some breakups can be easy to get over. This could be due to a variety of reasons, but are often simple in their mutual manner. Maybe you have different goals or hobbies than one another. It could have been a short relationship which did not allow for emotions to reach potential, making it easier to walk away. 

Bad breakups however, can be much more complex. This could be due to a longer period of dating in which friends and families were involved and emotions reached the point of being in love. A difficult breakup can become an even more difficult situation if you and your ex are still in contact post relationship.

Couple breaking up at a restaurant
Man and woman in discussions in the restaurant.

8 Reasons Why You Should Never Contact Your Ex & Get On With It

It is crucial to create as much space as possible from your ex in order to move on. Getting over someone is difficult enough, despite the unavoidable factors that can make contact with your ex difficult to ignore. Below are 8 reasons why you should not contact your ex again:

  1. Can not move on personally
    • When you stay in contact with your ex, it is almost impossible to move forward and spend your energy and focus on yourself and what is important to your mental health
  2. Can not move on to new relationship
    • Not fully getting over your ex, means you cannot move on to new relationships
    • If you cannot move on to new relationships, you cannot seek out potential possibilities for the future  
  3. Develop bad habits
    • Maintaining contact with an ex can lead to increased levels of emotions such as:
      • Sadness
      • Rage 
    • These heightened emotional states can lead bad habits such as:
      • Addiction: Alcohol and/or drug abuse
      • Promiscuity
      • Eating disorders
  4. Risk of Mental Health Issues
    • Anxiety
      • Dating Anxiety
      • Social Anxiety
      • Self-consciousness
    • Depression
      1. Not letting go of an ex can lead to extreme and prolonged periods of sadness
      2. Could impact social and professional relationships
  5. Fall into a Bad Cycle
    • Communicating with an ex does not lead anywhere productive
    • Almost impossible to move forward when the past is constantly relived
  6. No Growth
    • Difficult to learn and grow in a healthy, positive, and successful manner when you are hanging onto your ex
  7. Relive Mistakes
    • Repeating old habits and revisiting old conversations are not productive with an ex after a breakup
  8. True Colors Come Out
    • Many times, an individual’s true colors and real potentials can come out after a relationship is terminated
    • If communication is not broken post breakup, frustration from one or both of the partners may warrant further negativity, creating more emotional issues

Unavoidable Factors That Make Getting Over Someone Difficult

When a relationship ends, it is important to be able to move on in a timely manner that is respectful of yourself and your ex. This process of moving one and getting over someone can suffer if you continue to stay in communication with your ex. For some couples it is simple to part ways and never speak again. For others, this can be much more difficult due to environmental factors that get in the way of creating healthy space. Some of these environmental factors include:

  • Social Media
    • Between Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, & Twitter we are constantly connected and in the know of everyone’s whereabouts
    • Even if you disconnect from any of these social media outlets, friends, or friends of friends may communicate your ex’s social media updates
  • Technology
    • Not making conversation with an ex does not necessarily mean you do not have to have a face to face interaction
      • Texting, emailing, and social media messaging are all ways that we can communicate
      • Communication via technology is difficult to interpret and can create more confusion and frustration
  • Similar Social Circle
    • Many couples tend to have similar friend groups
    • Attending social get togethers and events where your ex may be present can make it difficult to socialize with friends and move on from your ex simultaneously
  • Professional Matters
    • Some couples meet in the workplace. After a breakup, it is almost impossible to avoid your ex if you work together in the same office or building

Healthy Ways to Get Over a Breakup

Woman outside, smiling, moving on, getting over someone

Finding productive and positive ways to deal with a breakup is essential to both the individual’s mental and physical well-being. In order to find harmony and balance in your ability to move forward, rather than contacting your ex, try some of these healthy tips to move on after a breakup.

  • Spending time with those who care about you
  • Focus on you
  • Exercise
  • Eat right
  • Meditate
  • Journal
  • Find healthy distractions
  • Stay productive at work
  • Say “yes” more often to socializing with others in your free time
  • Talk to a professional to help process your emotions and help guide you on your journey to move forward
  • Do things that YOU love
  • Be selfish of your time
  • Enjoy your independence!

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