May 29th, 2025
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone that you deemed "emotionally unavailable?" Or come across a friend or partner that seemed a bit too needy? These are all linked to individual attachment styles, which dictate how we select, progress, and end relationships. Our attachment styles dictate our strengths in social situations, as well as our set backs, and they are typically fixed during early childhood.
We can become more aware of our type of attachment style to understand how it affects our relationships, thus improving how we maintain relationships with those in our life. Keep reading to learn how your attachment style impacts your relationships!
Our attachment style shows us how we act (or don't act) towards others in order to get our needs met. Some attachment styles give us security and peace of mind within a relationship, while others may provide challenges for finding the ideal mate.
Attachment styles are basically patterns of how people form emotional bonds and respond to closeness in relationships, especially romantic ones—but also friendships, family dynamics, and even therapeutic relationships. As we mentioned before, these styles are largely shaped by early interactions with caregivers and influence how we connect with others throughout life.
Here is an outline of the various types of attachment styles that exist. By identifying with the type of attachment style that fits you, you can learn how it affects your relationships and how you can improve your communication with others.
This type of attachment style allows for individuals to feel “secure” and content with their relationships. There is a lot of trust put into partners and families with this type of attachment style. Relationships can have more freedom, honesty, and openness, and feelings of being connected, and children may feel independent all while viewing their parents as a source of security.
This type of attachment is formed early on in childhood when parents play a lot with their child. The needs of these children are met fairly quickly with quick reactions from parents.
This attachment style seems to come from a feeling of desperation. An individual with this type of style may have a deep need to feel loved or wanted, and they want to feel completed with their relationships, often feeling empty or incomplete if single. These types of individuals tend to be clingy, insecure within their relationships, or extremely possessive.
Children who become anxious preoccupied tend to have “helicopter parents” who worry constantly or become too needy, thus not providing proper opportunities for the child to become independent.
These types of people may seem to be “emotionally unavailable”. They often distance themselves from others in relationships and focus primarily on meeting their own needs.
These individuals tend to shut down feelings that come up in situations or have an attitude as if they don’t care about others. Past relationships can lead someone to form this type of attachment style - usually a relationship where the partner left them, or a long-distance relationship didn’t last. A person with this type of attachment style usually compares new relationships to a past one they idealize and in their own mind, cannot be matched.
This type of attachment style is interesting as those who experience it don’t want to get too close to others in a relationship, yet they don’t want to distance themselves too much either. This type of attachment can lead to anxiety and emotional “ups and downs”. These individuals can have an unpredictable personality and most often than not have very dramatic relationships.
In childhood, an individual who develops this type of attachment style may have endured an abusive upbringing or experienced neglect. Highly demanding parents whose children are constantly trying to impress them may also cause their child to lose their own traits and personalities due to wanting to please their parents.
Curious to learn what your attachment style is? Take the time to think back and reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in everyday relationships you hold.
If you identify with a secure attachment pattern, you may have the natural ability to connect with others and understand how to have a confident, communicative relationship. If you often feel the need to be around your partner constantly and frequently seek reassurance about the stability of your relationship, you may have an anxious/ preoccupied attachment style.
If you have a dismissive/ avoidant attachment style, you may come across as emotionally unavailable and act as though you don’t have any needs within a relationship.
Although you may identify with one of these attachment styles, they do not have to dictate how you live your life. You can discover traits about yourself that you may not have been aware of before, and can work with a therapist to form new thought patterns and behaviors to help you create successful and long lasting relationships in the future.
Your attachment style shapes how you connect, communicate, and respond to intimacy in relationships. It influences everything from how you handle conflict to how you express love and seek support.
For example, someone with a secure attachment style may feel comfortable with emotional closeness and open communication. In contrast, someone with an anxious attachment may seek constant reassurance, while someone with an avoidant style may pull away when things get too emotionally intense.
Understanding your attachment style—and your partner’s—can help you break unhealthy patterns, improve communication, and build deeper, more fulfilling connections. It's not about labeling yourself, but about gaining insight and creating space for growth.
Understanding your attachment style is a powerful first step toward building healthier, more fulfilling relationships. At Clarity Clinic, our experienced therapists can help you explore how your early experiences impact your current connections—and guide you in creating stronger emotional bonds.
Whether you're navigating challenges in your relationship or simply want to better understand yourself, our Chicago-based therapists are here to support you. Get the best couples therapy in Chicago or individual therapy to further your connection with yourself and with others. With multiple locations across Chicago (Loop, River North, Lakeview Belmont, Lakeview Broadway, Evanston, Arlington Heights) we make it easy for you to find the best mental health therapist near you!
Make sure to explore our online therapy options for added convenience. Online therapy is a great option for those who have a busy lifestyle but still want to work on improving their mental health. Start your journey toward healthier relationships today—book a session with a therapist near you.
Find a Therapist!Related Readings:
- What is Love-Bombing? Top Signs To Look For
- What is Trauma bonding ? Signs To Look Out For
- How Couples Therapy Can Help Even Healthy Relationships
- A Deep Dive into Attachment Styles and Disorders
How to fix anxious attachment style?
Healing an anxious attachment style involves building self-esteem, developing emotional regulation skills, and learning to tolerate space in relationships without feeling abandoned. Therapy—especially with an attachment-focused or trauma-informed therapist—can help you challenge negative thought patterns, set healthy boundaries, and form more secure connections.
What is an avoidant attachment style?
Avoidant attachment is a style where individuals often struggle with emotional closeness and may distance themselves in relationships. They tend to value independence over intimacy and may suppress or ignore their own emotional needs.
What are the different attachment styles?
There are four main attachment styles, Secure, Anxious (Preoccupied),
Avoidant (Dismissive), and Disorganized (Fearful-Avoidant).
How to find your attachment style?
You can discover your attachment style by reflecting on your relationship patterns or taking an attachment style quiz. However, working with a therapist is the best way to explore your early experiences and how they influence your current behaviors and attachment styles in relationships. Many people benefit from guided insight to fully understand and shift their attachment style over time.
What attachment style is clingy?
The anxious (or preoccupied) attachment style is most often associated with clingy behavior. Individuals with this style tend to fear abandonment, seek constant reassurance, and may feel uneasy when their partner is emotionally or physically distant. This can lead to overdependence and difficulty tolerating space in relationships.
What is the unhealthiest attachment style ?
While all insecure attachment styles can present challenges, the disorganized (or fearful-avoidant) attachment style is often considered the most difficult. People with this style struggle with both intimacy and trust, often wanting closeness but fearing it at the same time. It’s commonly linked to early trauma, abuse, or neglect, and can lead to confusing, unpredictable relationship patterns.
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