Separation Anxiety Disorder In Adults, Children, & Infants

It’s completely normal to feel a little anxious when being away from someone you love, especially in new situations or environments. Separation anxiety disorder isn’t about normal everyday worries, such as a child feeling nervous before their first sleepover. It’s when that fear feels overwhelming or out of proportion for your age and begins to affect your ability to go to school, work, or go about your daily life.

The challenges caused by separation anxiety disorder can vary based on factors like age and severity. In adults, it can seriously interfere with work and interpersonal relationships. In kids, it may lead to physical and emotional symptoms that worry parents, as well as challenges like sleep problems and refusal to go to school.

The good news? Separation anxiety disorder is treatable. There are strategies parents can use at home to support their kids and adults can implement for themselves. In people of all ages, therapy can be an integral part of overcoming anxiety disorders. Knowing the signs is a vital first step.

If you suspect that you or your child has separation anxiety disorder, you might be thinking: what is separation anxiety disorder, exactly? How does it differ from the typical separation anxiety most of us feel at some point in our lives? Let’s talk about it.

Key Takeaways:

• Typical separation anxiety and separation anxiety disorder are not the same. It’s normal to experience typical separation anxiety at some point in our lives (e.g., in infancy, after becoming a new parent). Separation anxiety disorder, however, is a diagnosable mental health condition where the fear and emotional distress negatively impact your quality of life.
• Symptoms of separation anxiety disorder can vary based on age. In general, it is marked by excessive, developmentally inappropriate fear of being away from someone, whether that’s a parent or a romantic partner.
• Treatment for separation anxiety disorder usually involves a combination of therapy and at-home strategies. In some cases, family therapy and medication can be a supportive add-on to individual therapy sessions and other treatments.

What Is Separation Anxiety?

On its own, separation anxiety refers to distress caused by being away from a loved one or caregiver. Some degree of separation anxiety is a normal part of life. It’s a sign of healthy attachment; for example, it’s normal for babies to cry when their parents or caregivers leave.

It becomes a problem when it’s excessive, developmentally atypical, and affects quality of life. In this case, a person might have a condition called separation anxiety disorder.[1]

Something you’ll notice as you continue reading through this article is that the signs of separation anxiety disorder differ based on age. This is important to keep in mind because it will help you identify what’s developmentally appropriate for certain ages and what is not.

What Is Separation Anxiety Disorder?

Separation anxiety and separation anxiety disorder are not the same. On a basic level, anyone can feel nervous about being separated from someone they care about, like a parent or child. Separation anxiety disorder is different. It causes clinically significant distress or impairments in important areas of functioning (e.g., work, school, home).

To qualify for a diagnosis of separation anxiety disorder, you must have at least three of the following symptoms.[2] These symptoms must last for at least four weeks in children and adolescents, and six months or more in adults.

• Recurring, excessive distress when anticipating or experiencing separation from home or major attachment figures.
• Persistent, excessive worry about losing major attachment figures or possible harm to them, such as an illness, injury, accident, disaster, or death.
• Repeated physical symptoms (e.g., headaches, stomach aches, nausea) when separation from a major attachment figure occurs or is anticipated.
• Persistent, excessive worry about an unexpected event that causes separation from a major attachment figure. For example, being kidnapped, becoming ill, or having an accident.
• Persistent, excessive fear or reluctance about being alone or without major attachment figures, whether at home or in another setting.
• Persistent reluctance to go out or away from home (e.g., to school, work, or elsewhere) because of your fear of separation.
• Persistent reluctance or refusal to sleep away from home or go to sleep without being near a major attachment figure.
• Repeated nightmares involving the theme of separation.

Additionally, the symptoms of separation anxiety disorder shouldn’t be better explained by another condition. This means a doctor or provider will first make sure there isn’t another diagnosis that more accurately explains what you’re experiencing.

It’s also possible to have more than one condition at the same time. For example, someone can have both separation anxiety disorder and generalized anxiety disorder, but they would need to meet the criteria for each diagnosis separately.

What Causes Separation Anxiety Disorder?

Why do some of us develop separation anxiety disorder while others don’t? Even under the same life circumstances, you might notice that some individuals are more prone to developing separation anxiety disorder than others.

There are several risk factors that can make it more likely for someone to develop separation anxiety disorder:

• Personal Mental Health History: If someone has a pre-existing mental health condition, like generalized anxiety disorder, they may be more prone to separation anxiety disorder.
• Family Mental Health History: Kids who have parents and other close loved ones with anxiety disorders can be more prone to developing one themselves.
• Traumatic or Stressful Events: These may include but aren’t limited to the loss of a loved one or illness affecting a loved one.
• Significant Life Changes: For example, divorce, entering a new relationship, moving, or becoming a parent.

While we don’t know what exactly causes separation anxiety disorder, it’s generally attributed to a combination of genetics and environment.[3] People who develop separation anxiety disorder are usually predisposed to it. But, an event is often what sets it off.

The first step to getting help is to identify the problem. Knowing what separation anxiety might look like in infants, kids, and adults means you can distinguish ‘separation anxiety’ from ‘separation anxiety disorder’.

Separation Anxiety In Infants

It’s normal for infants and toddlers to feel some level of separation anxiety. For example, it’s completely expected for babies and young children to cry when separated from caregivers or to get nervous about going to daycare or preschool. These things aren’t signs of separation anxiety disorder; they’re a typical part of childhood development.

When it comes to toddlers or infants and separation anxiety, parents often find success with at-home strategies like:

• Goodbye Ritual: Develop a short, predictable, and positive goodbye routine, like a special handshake or hug, to make separation easier.
• Stay Calm: Validating your child’s emotions while staying calm. Let them know it’s okay to feel the way they do, but reinforce that you will come back. Try to stay confident and relaxed, children often look to their parents for emotional cues to guide how they should feel and react.
• Start Small: Practicing short separations first, gradually increasing time apart. This is a form of exposure therapy.
• Reliability: Make sure to be on time and come back when you say you will. This can help to build trust.
• Do Not Disappear: Refrain from leaving unexpectedly or sneaking away.
• Comfort Objects: Provide your child with comfort objects like favorite toys or blankets.

Usually, separation anxiety as a developmental stage ends at around age 3.[4] If symptoms persist beyond that point, are severe, interfere with a child’s mental or physical health, or don’t reduce with the standard recommended strategies parents use, it may be time to see a pediatric psychiatrist or therapist.

Separation Anxiety In Children

Some school-aged kids experience initial nervousness with adjustments like being away from home for the first time. In most children, this goes away. A professional assessment for separation anxiety disorder may be necessary when kids exhibit signs like:

• Repeated refusal to sleep alone, go to school, or go to sleepovers due to fear of separation.
• Fear of being kidnapped, getting lost, or getting into an accident while separated from caregivers.
• Physical symptoms, such as stomach aches, nausea, or repeated bed wetting (after already being potty trained) that occur during or leading up to separation.
• Ongoing emotional distress when separated that does not go away in time.
• Excessive, ongoing worry about loss of or harm to caregivers.
• Uncontrollable crying when a caregiver leaves.
• Repeated nightmares about separation.
• Severe, atypical clinginess.

Older kids might have some differences in symptoms compared to younger children. For example, younger (e.g., preschool-aged) kids might not know how to put their feelings into words, but a child around ages 7-9+ may be able to tell you about nightmares they have in depth. Some children may get angry at others if they perceive that individual is to blame for the separation, but not always.

If symptoms continue for over four weeks in children, it may be time to seek out a pediatric psychiatrist or therapist to help add support for you and your child.

Separation Anxiety In Adults

In adults, separation anxiety can interfere with responsibilities like work. It can also cause significant social impairments. In many cases, adults do not realize they have separation anxiety until a loved one, like a partner they’re afraid to be separated from, gets annoyed or points it out.

This partner might state that you are overly clingy or too dependent. Signs of separation anxiety in adults can include:

• Constant fear that something bad will happen to a loved one.
• Texting or calling a loved one often to make sure they’re okay.
• Reluctance to leave home, go to work, travel, or be alone due to fear of separation from a loved one (e.g., a child, parent, or partner).
• Physical anxiety symptoms during or before separation (e.g., heart palpitations, gastrointestinal distress, headaches).
• Nightmares about separation or inability to sleep when away from a loved one.
• Overprotective or clingy behavior.

If you notice these signs in yourself, it is likely time to see a psychiatrist or therapist. Adult separation anxiety disorder is manageable! Many overcome it with professional help.

How To Treat Separation Anxiety Disorder?

Psychotherapy is the primary treatment for separation anxiety disorder. Often, the specific modality used is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT sessions for separation anxiety disorder typically focus on building your tolerance to separation via exposure therapy techniques. A therapist will work with you to:

• Challenge fearful thought patterns related to separation.
• Establish a new way of thinking.
• Develop coping skills.

Therapy for separation anxiety can be paired with family support, and in some cases, medication. Other therapies that may help someone manage separation anxiety include dialectical behavior therapy and family therapy. Note that therapy techniques can be adjusted to fit your age group. For example, young kids may engage in cognitive behavioral play therapy.

Separation Anxiety Disorder Treatment In Chicago

We know how overwhelming separation anxiety can feel. You might find yourself relying heavily on one person to feel okay, only to notice it starting to affect your relationships, your focus at work, or your ability to enjoy different experiences.

Maybe you avoid plans if that person can’t be there, or feel intense distress when you’re apart. These patterns can feel confusing and exhausting, but you’re not alone, and support can make a real difference.

For parents, watching your child struggle with separation can be just as difficult. Seeing them cry or feel distressed in new environments can pull at your heart, and it’s completely natural to want to step in and comfort them.

At the same time, helping your child build the skills to feel safe and confident on their own is an important part of their growth, and we’re here to support both of you through that process.

At Clarity Clinic, we work with children, teens, and adults navigating separation anxiety and related challenges. Whether you’re going through a life transition, managing an existing condition, or simply need a place to talk, our team is here for you.

We offer in-person care throughout Chicago and online services across Illinois, including therapy, psychiatry, and structured programs like PHP and IOP for anxiety.

Our programs are a great option for those who would like more anxiety support than weekly therapy can provide. Go ahead and give us a call (312) 815-9660 or book a session below to see how we can help you reach your mental health goals!

Related Readings:

• What is Anxiety? A Guide to Symptoms, Causes, & Treatment
• Panic Attack vs Anxiety Attack: What’s the Difference?

Separation Anxiety Disorder: FAQs

References

[1] Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. (n.d). Table 15, DSM-IV to DSM-5 separation anxiety disorder comparison - DSM-5 changes - NCBI bookshelf. DSM-5 Changes: Implications for Child Serious Emotional Disturbance. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK519712/table/ch3.t11/

[2] What is separation anxiety disorder?. Cleveland Clinic. (2025, November 26). https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/separation-anxiety-disorder

[3] Feriante, J. (2023, February 26). Separation anxiety disorder. StatPearls [Internet]. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK560793/

[4] What is separation anxiety?. Cleveland Clinic. (2025, December 9). https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/separation-anxiety-in-babies